Yes, chi happens.  In fact, it's happening all around each one of us all the time, whether or not we can actually see it.  Chi is just another name for energy and the nature of energy is to be in motion constantly and continually every moment of every second of every day, because, well, if it weren't our whole Universe would implode.  Something akin to what we feel like is happening on our personal planet when a change occurs that asks us to question our very selves and souls in regards to all our decisions, including and especially the ones that can end up in the category marked 'Debacle."  That last place often where some of us file away the gut-wrenching break-up called 'divorce.'

Now, if we could only step back, take a breath and keep in mind that as we change we also grow; that sometimes our relationships can't or won't keep pace and then remember that THAT is the very nature of change and that the changes we face, no matter how painful, are not only for our best and highest good but are also, OKAY, then we might just be OKAY too!  If we were only able to remember this truth while going through that Chi then maybe we could all be a bit gentler with ourselves and also with our fragile (and maybe even heartbroken?) psyches.  Often-times the question becomes is it better to stay stuck and stifling in a stale and unhappy union than to move on to other affirmative and life-enhancing possibilities?  And, yet, in my practice I hear, almost all the time, that 'C' word when I ask my clients that very question.  No, not cancer.  Or even that other horrible one, clutter.   No, what I hear so very often where break-up or divorce is involved is the 'C' word that I despise most of all: Can't.

"I can't because"….fill in the blanks…the kids, all the years we've put into this, his health, the dog…..pick one or pick them all, it's all just the same thing, an excuse not to move on.  Any of this sound familiar?  "There's just not enough money to pay for two places" or "what would we do with her mother who lives with us?"  "I'm in love with someone else and it would just kill him/her", "I'm pregnant", "he's sterile", and the list goes on.  And no one gets anywhere except more and more angry and more and more frightened and more and more stuck until, and I promise this will happen because it is Universal Law, someone will get sick or finds another equally unhealthy way to take leave of the relationship.  Unless the road out is consciously chosen you can expect detours and even possibly disease to follow.

Look, I absolutely understand that at one time or another even the most doomed of relationships began on an optimistic note and maybe even in a place of peace and possibilities and even in BIG LOVE, the kind with a capital L.  But, then, sometime between the starter house and the last 4^th of July backyard barbeque, rancor, rage and bitterness joined the party as well.  So, now it's time to shut down the gas grill, quell all the emotional fireworks and move on.  Fueling any other sort of future will only erode any potential you still have for having a really wonderful rest of your life.

In the ideal world, there would be no blame or shame or guilt about splitting up the towels, the CD's, the artwork and dishes.  There would only be great joy and gratitude that you came together in the first place to learn really valuable lessons from one another and now that you've decided to go your separate ways you can take those lessons with you along with your half of the china.  In an ideal world you would realize that you were LUCKY to learn these lessons from a partner and now you have them forever in your much wiser heart and head and soul.  And, then, as you move forward in your life and come upon the proverbial 'next time around' you'll know more about who you are, what you want, why you've ended up here, rebuilding your own personal planet, but this time EXACTLY as you want it to be, one shining star at a time.  You are now the architect of your future and, well, how exciting and filled with possibility is that?

As in so many cases that I witness and observe, if you "can't" see your way clear through to forgiveness or happiness over this break-up at some point post separation, I completely understand.  I have MANY clients who prefer instead to spend their days planning for the time when they have their new Ferrari, have lost that last 10 pounds and fantasize having someone 20 years fabulously younger hanging on their arm and on their every word the next time they run into their ex.  For now, whatever gets you through the split is okay with me, as long as in time you finally come to realize that the choices all rest with you and the future is yours to carve with a new sense of self gratis that old relationship.

Plant yourself in your fabulous future, weed anything that's still strangling you from your past and grow, baby, grow!

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Bio

Ellen Whitehurst is THE name associated with the Empowered and Lucky Lifestyle.  A monthly marquee columnist for Redbook magazine, Ellen also pens a tip for iVillage.com that at current gets sent to over 320,000 opted-in subscribers DAILY. 

Ellen's first book, MAKE THIS YOUR LUCKY DAY is in it's Third Printing and is considered a best seller in Amazon's self-help categorical rankings.  Ellen contributes monthly to a host of syndicated radio with a monthly listenting audience of over 5 million ears.  She also is considered a regular contributor to Woman's World and Natural Heath Magazines and is a featured expert at RealSavvyMom.com.

Contact Information

WEBSITE: www.ellenwhitehurst.com

E-MAIL: info@ellenwhitehurst.com

PHONE: 757.412.2600