Addictions and Spirituality
Pat Hastings
Conscious Detachment
Do you want peace in your life? Do you want to feel respected and loved? Learning Conscious Detachment can dramatically improve your relationships with your lovedones so they will also feel respected and loved.
What is Conscious Detachment? It's emotionally separating from a person. It's the freedom to own what's yours and allow other's to own what's theirs. When we detach, we let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a power greater than ourselves.
There are behaviors that can give us clues that we need to detach which include, but are not limited to; obsessing about another person, feeling like a victim, making excuses for another person, worrying, depression, not sleeping, overeating, blaming others, nagging, trying to manipulate, feeling out of control, feelings of urgency that we need to do something or fix someone, feeling guilty that it's our fault.
Detachment is difficult because of our need to control. We may fear that if we let go of control, something bad will happen. Control is an illusion. We may not trust that the person we need to detach from will make the right decision on their own and that they need our advice. People are often unaware that they have a need to control and are surprised when someone tells them that they are controlling.
Refusing to feel is a sign that we may be controlling. Controlling behavior requires denying, ignoring our own needs and feeling resentful when our needs are not met. When we try to control others and that includes adult children, we don't give them choices and that's not loving or respectful.
Examples of controlling behavior may be quiet anger, disapproval, being nice, silence, apologizing, guilt, reminders, suggestions, lectures, complaining, pouting, being hurt and refusing to ask for what we need.
CONSCIOUS DETACHMENT IS A CHOICE
It's getting the focus off changing another person no matter how much we love them. We begin to focus on ourselves and what needs to be changed in us. This is where the power is. It's getting the focus off the past -- what we've done, not done, what someone has done to us or not done.
It's not focusing on the future with all the "what if's." It's allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, letting them go, being in the present moment and trusting in a power greater than ourselves.
Taken from Ivanla Vanzant's book "Tapping the Power Within" Detachment is:
1. We care, but don't intrude.
2. We honor people and their process even if it looks dysfunctional to us.
3. We allow people to learn, grow and unfold at their own pace.
4. We trust and respect people enough to let them live their own lives.
5. We hold no expectation or judgements about what their process looks like or how long it will take.
6. We ask them what direction they are choosing for themselves.
7. We trust that divine order will guide them.
8. We remember how our learning, growing healing process must have looked to others and we offer compassion that we didn't receive.
9. We trust that people can make it on their own.
DETACHING WITH LOVE IS A PROCESS
1. Get honest with our feelings
2. Talk to people we trust and understand us
3. Get in touch with Higher Power, ask for help and pray
4. Dump all anger and resentment
The first step in detaching with love is to begin taking responsibility for our own behavior. This means that we can no longer blame our loved ones for the way we feel. No one makes us feel anything. It's our reaction to the behavior that causes us pain, anger, resentment and disappointment. We lose ourselves when we become so involved in another's behavior.
Regaining our self-respect and self-esteem is a big benefit of detaching with love.
The next step in detaching with love is acceptance. Acceptance is the key. Acceptance doesn't mean that we necessarily feel ok about current or past situations. It means that we stop trying to change what we have no power over. Acceptance brings PEACE. Acceptance
is letting go of control and accepting what is.
What is Spiritual Counseling and how can it help you?
The purpose of spiritual counseling is to assist you in finding God in the midst of life events, and to prayerfully support you during life changes. It is designed to inspire and awaken you to all possibilities of spiritual growth in your life. It is to help you focus on the solution as your build your conscious awareness of God's presence and activity in your life. Spiritual counseling will help you meet life's challenges from a new consciousness of connection with God.
The goal of spiritual counseling is to support the movement from a place of dis - ease to a place of happiness and peace. There is a basic belief in a Power or Source that is greater than yourself that enables you to feel peace and know that "all is well." All problems are spiritual problems in the sense that they arise when you feel disconnected from the Source of your being. As a result of this disconnect, you experience confusion, sadness, fear, anger and disharmony. Counseling supports a movement from an experience of disconnect to one of deep connection.
Severe trauma can cause damage to the soul, as well as the mind and body. This may include addictions, living with someone who is addicted, abusive tendencies (including self-abuse) an inability to be comfortable with yourself, and a persistent feeling of being internally broken, damaged or not good enough.
Benefits of Spiritual counseling:
- Experience more peace and joy in your life
- Deepen your relationships
- Develop a strong connection to God, to yourself and to others
- Align your life with your true purpose
- Be present in the world in a way that reflects the love inside of you
For more information on spiritual counseling in person or by phone, call for an appointment. Free complimentary CD is available for first-time clients. Sliding scale is available. Pat is also available to lead women's retreats, speak at churches and women's groups.
Products
About the CD- "HOW TO PRAY AND GET RESULTS: TEN TIPS TO HAVE YOUR PRAYERS ANSWERED"
The CD was created to enhance your life and show you how to transform your life and live in abundance. The tips are not in order of importance. They stand on their own. After each tip there will be an affirmation and journal question.
Affirmations are an easy and proven strategy to create positive life changes. Thoughts determine what you focus on, and your emotional state of mind. Thoughts determine how you feel. Living an extraordinary life begins by training your mind to think positive, productive thoughts. Affirmations are an excellent tool to train your conscious and subconscious mind to automatically stay focused on the things you desire for your life. Anything you desire must be created first in the mind.
About the book- "SIMPLY A WOMAN OF FAITH"
Pat shares her everyday experiences of faith and answered prayer,from getting what she needs at yard sales to being a messenger and saving someone's life. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, Pat's message has a universal message of Love, hope and transformation.
Simply a Woman of Faith is the story of one woman's ability to live the life she imagines, fulfilling her dreams and following God's divine plan. On her journey to find meaning and peace, she faces near bankruptcy, the loss of her home and business, and -- at one very critical point -- the near loss of her faith in God. Yet she manages to overcome her fears and doubts by putting her trust in God and His ability to provide her with signs to guide her. Faith is the answer: faith in ourselves and faith in a Power greater than ourselves. The book helps readers regardless of their specific religious affiliation.
For more information and to order the book and CD- "Simply a Woman of Faith"
Bio
Pat Hastings is a licensed Chemical Dependency Professional with over 20 years of experience. She is a spiritual counselor, retreat and workshop leader, as well as an inspirational speaker. She is the author of "Simply a Woman of Faith."
Pat understands the importance of incorporating spirituality in treating addicts and family members. She not only treats people with the disease, but has lived first hand with the disease -- growing up in an alcoholic home and living with a family member who was addicted to drugs.
She has over 35 years of experience and wisdom searching for the truth about life, God and herself. Through spiritual counseling, Pat will lovingly and gently help you find your truth - to know that you are one with God and never alone.
Contact Information
Website: www.simplyawomanoffaith.com
E-mail: simplyawomanoffaith@bluebottle.com
Phone: 401-521-6783
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